We heard through the grapevine that our reputation is being completely trashed by some of my husband’s relatives. A couple years ago, I might have gone up to these people and given them a piece of my mind, but now… I really don’t care (much).
I don’t really feel a need to defend myself, because I know #1- we have done nothing wrong, and #2- it really doesn’t matter what these people think- and anyone who believes them has been seriously deceived.
We’ve had troubles with these relatives before, and I remember feeling completely worn out from it all. One relative (of my husband) in particular, has always had it out for me since Hubby and I began dating. I could do nothing right. She picked apart my clothing (especially when I wore a blue jean skirt which hit below my knees on Sunday, because, evidently, God hates blue jean material, and to wear such on Sunday is blasphemy). She told my husband he needed to “set me straight” on several issues, nevermind that she would never allow her husband to rule the home, and she certainly is not in any way submissive to him.
I really tried to reach out to this woman. I tried to be helpful, loving, and kind.. but I always felt (and still feel), that all the good I do is taken for granted. She does not appreciate kindness, and has chosen to spread LIES about our family.
A couple years ago, she told my then-3-year-old daughter that I was a horrible mother. I had just laid our son down for a nap and was walking into the room when I overheard it, and, I suppose you could say I went off on her, because I kindly informed her she was never to speak to my daughter like that, and that I was sick of her spreading rumors and telling lies about our family. I pointed out that she was an unthankful, unappreciative person who kept telling everyone that I was going to hell (for what, I’m not sure of.. unless bluejean skirts on Sunday are an unforgiveable sin), but should, in fact, take inventory of her own life and consider where she is going to end up. (I probably shouldn’t have said that, but I was so sick of dealing with it all.)
This is something we’ve struggled with on my husband’s side of the family. When we are not around, some people in his family tell our children crazy stuff (like God doesn’t like little girls who wear pants, or God doesn’t like children who watch tv, or God doesn’t like little girls who wear necklaces, and you shouldn’t wear one because it will choke you).
It is no wonder we have pulled our children even closer in and sheltered them from certain family members. We didn’t really realize some of the stuff going on behind the scenes until our daughter came to us, scared to death, because “God didn’t like her.”
I had to explain that God wants us to dress modestly, but he doesn’t care if we’re wearing pants or jewelry (although, if we’re convicted not to, then we shouldn’t), and, while God may not like most of the things on television, and while he definitely doesn’t want us glued to the tv all of the time, he most certainly doesn’t dislike CHILDREN who watch television. Of course, we don’t watch much television in our own home, and we have come to really filter and censor what we do watch. I had to explain that, as God’s children, God loves us ALL THE TIME, but he doesn’t always like what we do.
As a parent, my number one ministry is to my children. The other day, our pastor told us, “The only eternal thing humans ever produce is another human.” Profound thought, if you ask me. It is my duty to protect their little hearts and minds from outside influences, and to curve their lives around the Word of God.
It drives me absolutely crazy that these people, who claim to be Christian, would tear town my family and do such unChrist-like things.
I’ve watch my husband deal with them with such lovingkindness, trying to be helpful and thoughtful, but all the time, they continue to slander our name. I see these people trapped in their own bitterness, and I ache for them. They refuse to face their own sin, the repent for their own doings, and instead choose to attack and tear down others.
I am thankful that I no longer have to deal with these relatives on a regular basis, although, when I was dealing with them daily, I did find myself before the Lord sobbing and begging for guidance.
I have longed to be close to these relatives, but I find it difficult to desire to be around people who tell us we should “get fixed” and not have any more children. I want to share in the joy of my children with them, but I am unable. It’s difficult to snuggle up to those who only have negative words and thoughts, who never encourage, and never support. In fact, my husband was told by one relative that he would never become anything. Every time we have taken a new job, moved, or become pregnant, there was no joy shared…. only negative words and tisk-tisking.
It is difficult to be around those who tell you you’re absolutely crazy, stupid, or ridiculous for doing something that God has commanded you to do! It is difficult to draw close to those who try to step in the way of God’s will for your life and who do not share in the joy of His direction for your family.
And, of course… it is difficult to be around those who are constantly picking apart everything you do- from what you wear to what you do, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
Thankfully, we are able to rest in Christ. I love that I have so much support and encouragement from my own family and our friends as well. We have been truly blessed to have such an amazing support system.
Still, part of me feels empty because I share in the sadness with my husband at these relatives who have no joy and peace in their lives, who are bound by bitterness and hatefulness. I want to be able to fellowship with them, but I cannot.
Yet, I do not feel the need to defend myself against what they have said because, like I said, I know we have done nothing wrong, and I know that my defence lies within Jesus Christ. I don’t have to defend myself.
