Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” 
“Come,” he said.

 Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”  And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.  Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

The disciples felt safe inside that boat, especially when they looked out at the choppy waves and strong winds.  Sometime we feel safe inside our circumstance, situation, religion, or personal confidence, and we fail to realize our misplaced faith.

Sometimes God leads us out of our comfort zone where we learn what it truly means to have faith in Christ (instead of ourselves, someone else, or tradition) and keep our focus on Him.  When we take our eyes off of the Lord and we replace our faith in Christ with fear of our surroundings (as Peter did) and all the “what ifs” in life, we will surely sink.

When we keep our trust in Him and depend on Him, He will use our lives to do amazing things that point to heaven and bring glory to God.  When Christ does the impossible through us, no one else can take the credit, and people will see and exclaim, “Jesus, truly you are the Son of God!”

Lately, I have felt myself sinking as I look within me and around me and realize all that is against me, naturally and spiritually.  It’s discouraging.  I have to remind myself on a daily basis that I have a wonderful, amazing power within me.  It’s not of me, it’s of God. It’s the Holy Spirit.

And, with Him, nothing is impossible.

He doesn’t have a fever, so I think it’s his teeth that are bothering him.  His top two are coming through.  When I had braces on my teeth, the tightening and moving around of my teeth made me very nauseated, and I threw up because of it, so I’m guessing this is what his problem is.

As I mentioned in a short entry, yesterday was not a good day. Money has been extremely tight, especially with my husband changing jobs (wouldn’t it be nice if you got a paycheck up front?), and so yesterday was spent rushing around to pay bills (after I was awakened by the electricity being turned off) and realizing how completely BROKE we are.

That’s never a good feeling.  Plus, I miss my husband so much, and no day is ever complete without snuggling into bed with him at night (even though I do love being able to hog the bed).  It’s just been hectic, and at times I wonder why God even directed us to this place (although, deep in my heart, I know).  Sometimes I wish I could cut out our whole time living here, but then again, I’d miss out on so many wonderful friends, and, of course, the birth of our beautiful baby boy- our third child.

I am reminded that you have to take the good with the bad, and how would you know how good things were if you never experienced bad?

Our pastor, Brother Jerry, has reminded us several Sundays in a row that people don’t want the Good News (the Gospel), if they don’t understand the bad news.  People don’t think they need the Savior, if they don’t realize they need saving! 

This week has really tested my patience and my faith- not that I’ve wavered in believing in God’s existence, but that I have been weary in my own dependence.  It’s easier for me to depend on God when things are going great, but when things become difficult, as they have been for a while now for some reason or another, I want to try to fix it myself.  I cry out to God, but then walk away without direction and attempt to bring order or sense to the situation myself.  I know that God is in control and hears my prayers, but it’s hard for me to step back and allow Him to take over.  Usually my anxiety takes over instead!

1. Who is your man? Well, his name is Brandon. I call him B-dawg, Hubby, or Hubster

2. How long have you been together? Nearly seven years, married for nearly six.

3. How long dated? We re-met in October 2001 at a church convention.  We started talking immediately after.

4. How old is your man? He’ll be 27 in August.

6. Who said “I love you” first? He did.  I promised myself I wasn’t going to say it first, even though I wanted to.  In fact, I don’t think I even said it back to him the first time. 

7. Who is taller? He is, unless I’m wearing my superdeduperty tall shoes.

8. Who sings better? I do, most definitely. (Sorry babe, but you know it’s true!)

9. Who is smarter? Well, he’s pretty smart.  I think we’re both smart, but in different areas.  I’m smarter when it comes to my “job” (birth, children, home), plus I’m pretty good with math, and he’s really smart in other areas.  He’s super handy and knows how to do just about anything… even deliver babies.  Yeah, he’s probably the smartest.

10. Whose temper is worse? Hmm.  Probably mine.

11. Who does the laundry? I do, most of the time, but he does pitch in, especially on weekends.

12. Who takes out the garbage? He usually does, although, I’ve had to lately since he’s been out of town!

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Depends. What side is the right side?  Since Hubby has been out of town, I have slept across the bed with my feet dangling off! When he’s here, currently, he sleeps on the right side (if you are laying on the bed in the correct direction, and face up… he would be on the right hand side).  But, we trade sides every now and then for a period of time.  I think, it’s time for us to trade again.

14. Who pays the bills? We both do.  When we first married, I paid the bills.  After Nolyn came along, he paid the bills.  He does it most of the time, but I think I’m better at keeping track of it.

15. Who is better with the computer? Definitely me… even though he took some computer courses!  He can build a computer, but… other than that, he’s not too handy with it!

16. Who mows the lawn? He does, but I’d gladly do it if he wanted me to.

17. Who cooks dinner? We both do.  He’s a great cook, and he loves to whip up dishes.

18. Who drives when you are together? Usually he does.

19. Who pays when you go out? Well, he does… he’s the one that makes the mula!  Although, when we were dating, I usually paid because all of his money went to pay off his debt.  (Besides, we were engaged, so I knew it was for a good cause… haha!)

20. Who is most stubborn? Hahaha, we often argue about this.  He is, of course! (Muhahahaha.)  Putting it in type… on the internet.. makes it true, right? 

21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Well, it use to be me, but now.. he’s definitely better at it than I am.  (He’s such a sweetie.)

22. Whose parents do you see the most? Oddly enough… mine! (Even though his mom lives in the same town as we do.)

23. Who kissed who first? I’m pretty sure it was mutual. Ha!

24. Who asked who out? I asked him out.  I did most of the asking out when I was dating.  I knew if I waited for the guy to get around to it, I’d be polishing my dentures.  I actually asked for his email address first. (Hey, I was seventeen, okay?)

25. Who proposed? He did.  It wasn’t anything incredibly romantic, but the back story behind our relationship is very romantic, so that’s okay.  (I posted a little bit about it in A (True) Story About Mandy)

26. Who is more sensitive? I think we’re both sensitive.  He’s not effeminately sensitive, thank goodness.

27. Who has more friends? It’s probably about equal when it comes to close friends.

28. Who has more siblings? He does.  We both have a brother, but he also has a half-sister.

29. Who wears the pants in the family? Figuratively speaking, he does, of course.  I have no desire to be the leader.  I’d much rather leave that up to my husband!

30. How did you meet? Through a church group long, long ago.

Now that we have a person who wants to view our home, I feel a lot of anxiety.  I get overwhelmed when I look around me and see so much to be done in “such a short time”.  I genuinely want them to want our home because, well, dur… I want out of here!

While I still have a lot of touch up and painting to do, I know, first and foremost, this place needs to cleaned up above and beyond what it normally is. Closets need to be tidied and organized so they look spacious.  Cabinets too, just in case they decide to peek inside.

I know my husband is much better at knocking things out objectively, yet he’s not here… so I’m left with the, um… blessing… of doing so.  I’ve decided to focus on the smaller areas of the home- such as the closets, bathrooms, and baby’s room first.  These are areas that will stay cleaner for longer and are less likely to be torn apart in a matter of minutes.  I’ve decided to do the livingroom and playroom last because these areas are bigger areas and also the rooms which are played in the most, which means they won’t stay tidied for long.

So now that I have my game plan, I feel much better and less overwhelmed.

But I still wish my husband was here!  Oddly enough, he’s much better at cleaning than I am- although I believe I’m better at organizing.  That’s probably why cleaning is overwhelming to me, because I look at a mess and think, “Okay, how can I organize this so this doesn’t happen again?  What can I get rid of?  Where would be the best place to put this?”

For me, cleaning requires a lot of thought!

Well, off to think… and clean… some more!

Today’s Area Goals (deep cleaning, organizing):

-Baby’s room
-Master bedroom
-Sitting area
-Dining area
-Kids’ room

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adYbFQFXG0U

Then came N.  My goodness, this boy was a bundle of mischief the day he left the womb.  He quickly learned how to move around, and he was into everything.  He put anything and everything into his mouth so I had to watch him carefully.  With M, I didn’t have to do much baby proofing (I just made sure the chemicals were locked away).  She didn’t stick anything besides food and pacifiers in her mouth, but N?  Wow, he was a handful.

It wasn’t long before N was pulling sweet little goody-two-shoes into his web.  One day, I realized that she was following his example.  Usually it is the oldest child who teaches the youngest, but in this case, N had peeked M’s curiosity… and she had finally begun to explore.

In the first two years of her life, M didn’t need much discipline at all.  I don’t remember even having to lay out boundaries, because she never attempted to do anything that caused me to clearly outline them.

N, on the other hand, constantly pushed the limits.

Now, they both seem to be at the same level, but for a while there, I had to use different techniques of discipline on each child because they were so different and reacted differently to correction.

When M did something she wasn’t suppose to, I could frown at her and she would burst into tears.  A time out or a gentle talking to usually worked.  N wouldn’t sit still long enough for a talking to, and he certainly wouldn’t stay in time out.  When he did stay in time out, he spent the whole time cheerfully singing or licking the walls.

What was a mother to do?

I’m sure BabyK will throw me many a curve ball when he gets a bit older, but for now, we have things pretty figured out between M and N.  We’ve learned to access their misbehavior and correct accordingly.  Some times a time out works.  Some times we have to take away a toy.  Some times they miss out on something like painting or a special treat.  And yes, some times they get a spanking.  (Wonder how may hate notes I’ll get for that!)

Some weeks are particularly bad, and I feel like we are just going in circles, as if they are constantly testing the boundaries.  After the battle, they’ll be on their near-best behavior for a month… and then they’ll return to pushing the limits one again.

For the most part, my children are pretty well-behaved.  Of course, like any children, they do have to be prompted to say please and thank you or share every now and then, but they’re pretty good at being kind and following instruction.

My children want to please us, just as I long to please God. Sometimes their selfishness gets in the way (reminds me of myself), but they know when they have done wrong because they know our boundaries.

I’ve been reading The Strong-Willed Child because N is a very, very strong-willed critter.  He is very loving, but, my goodness, he is extremely stubborn.

One thing I’ve noticed in my years of parenting is that when I don’t give my children much attention, they act out.  When I take the time to get down and play with them, or take them out to the park… get them out of the house and join in their fun, they relax a bit and aren’t misbehaving as much.

What are some struggles you have in parenting, and what sort of personalities do your children have?

Still, I need to do some major cleaning before anyone views it, so I nearly had a heart attack when I realized it was someone wanting to view our home.  Thankfully, they are willing to wait until the weekend when Brandon is home because I don’t feel comfortable showing the house without him here…. and it gives me time to do some major cramming- as in, cramming things into boxes!

Oh, and I have no boxes.  I need to go out tomorrow and stock up.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned from those shows on HGTV that help people sell their homes, its that buyers don’t want to see all your little knick knacks and junk, so I want to have it put away.

I know how these things go.  When I was a kid, my parents had their home up for sale for quite a while.  We had a lot of people look at our home then, but it didn’t sell until years later, once my brother and I had “flown the coop” and my parents relisted it.

So, I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I am excited.  I can’t help but get excited, but I really hope they like our home and want to purchase it. (I mean, who doesn’t hope that?) And hopefully they’ll want to purchase it for the price we need.

I’m hoping and praying!

Today I realized exactly why I’m not too keen on these magazines.  Their advice stinks!

I see more and more permissiveness in today’s world concerning our children, and well… we reap what we sow, and you can see that we’ve managed to reap quite a healthy crop of selfishness.

So your child comes home from a play date time after time with a brand new word to share- a word you’d rather she not know.  What do you do?  Well, according to this magazine, you pretty much ignore what’s going on.  When she says the word, you tell her that it’s nice a nice word, and she shouldn’t use it, but if she does it again, you just ignore it, because depriving her of attention will sooner or later make her stop.

Hmm. Okay.  If that is so, why do we have so many people, even children, with a full vocabulary of curse words?  Seems to me their parents continued to ignore it, and they continued to use the words.

And, according to some statistics they came up with, children who are spanked by a loving parent are more likely to attach violence to love and become abusive.

Whatever.  I think that’s a load of crud.

Sure, I don’t think it’s healthy to whip your child for every single misstep.  Sure, I think there are some great alternatives to spanking.  And no, I don’t think you should disciple your child in anger- but I think there are a lot of children who could use a little butt-tapping these days!  I think God made those areas extra fatty for a reason.

I’ll probably get some flack for that.

Seriously, why are we listening to this nonsense that we shouldn’t discipline our children and instead should “ignore the behavior”.  Do you really think it’ll go away?  I very much doubt it.  I’ve tried it before, and all it has done is made it even harder to correct down the line.

Why are people failing to correct their children?  Are they afraid?  Maybe they don’t want to be “the bad guy”?  I am so thankful my parents didn’t let me get away with everything.  I remember telling them, “When I grow up, I’m going to let my kids do whatever they want…”

My friends who were not corrected and disciplined when they were kids are now out of control.  They have no self-discipline.  They are self-centered egomaniacs who think the world revolves around them.  Of course, there are a few exceptions.  A few.  Very few.  Some of them have children now as well, and they’ve made little mini-versions of themselves.  Greedy, selfish children who bully others and demand everything.

I watched a woman’s children the other day, and by the time she came to pick them up, I was so frazzled…..

They had managed to break about a dozen of my children’s toys, bust my son’s nose, and cause several bruises.  They hoarded all of my children’s toys and wouldn’t share the few toys they had brought along.  One of her boys spit on my son.  I had just cleaned the house, and they tore it apart.  I know children are messy, but these children LITERALLY almost burned my house down. Literally.

Now, I know their parents discipline them, but there’s something missing.

Consistency.  Follow-through. 

First, we have to be consistent.  If a particular behavior is not allowed, then you have to discipline every time a child does it.  And, if you tell little Johnny you’re going to take away his toy if he doesn’t stop hitting his sister with it, then you have to take it away the very next time he does it.  You have to do what you say.  You have to be an active parent.  Get off of your butt and follow through.

If you tell you children no, stand by that answer.  We need to be consistent and dependable.  They need to depend on the fact that we will be consistent… and not just in discipline.

If we tell them they are going to be able to do something, say… play with paints after nap time, then we need to follow through with what we’ve said.

They need to understand that our yes means yes and our no means no.

They need to understand what is acceptable and what is unacceptable and that unacceptable behavior won’t just slide by or be ignored.

It really bothers me that society is telling us we shouldn’t discipline our children.  It really peeves me that children are now able to SUE their parents for guiding and directing them… and win!

It’s ridiculous.  What happened to our right as parents to lovingly raise our children with morals, values, and direction?

- Wash sheets (they are so greasy…. my face is breaking out because of my dirty pillow)
- Wash a load of clothes
- Put away pile of clean mountaining up on the guestbed
- Clean the bathrooms
- Empty the dishwasher
- Dust living, dining, and master bedroom

We’re also sorting through all the toys again this week.  I’m hoping to narrow it down to just ONE bin. Wish me luck! I hope I’m able to turn all these “to-dos” into “ta-das”!